he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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