you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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