We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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