I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
