Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize