I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
