I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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