How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
