WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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