Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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