I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
