I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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