the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
