You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
