i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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