So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
