I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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