Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
