it was like having sex with a tree stump
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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