I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
