So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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