her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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