did you get engaged???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I lost the right to judge tonight
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize