So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i out mim tonsoeep
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