Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
