I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
