So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
