how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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