Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
