Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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