evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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