Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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