I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
