dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
