We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
