Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
