What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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