one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
