I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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