I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
