Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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