btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize