i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
