He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
