So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
