"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
