I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
