Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
