I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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