careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
