You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
