i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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