He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
