Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
