wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
