this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
