Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
