I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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