I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
