Pants 0. Shit 1.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
