He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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