I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
