capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fuck appropriateness.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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