she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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