I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
