Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
