We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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