so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
