we're chasing vodka with high fives
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
