Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I need moral support for this bender
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
