I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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