I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
