I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
