At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
