you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize