I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
