Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize