So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
