Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I fill condoms, not promises.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
