put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My liver is preforming stress tests.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
