i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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