I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
