Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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