my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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