he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This is classic penis vs brain.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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