it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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