Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize