I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize