never play flip cup with pint glasses
pop tarts are not kleenex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
