i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
