im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
