Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize