She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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