My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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