I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
