turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
