no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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