i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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