At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize